This phrase brings the freedom that we would all like to have – being able to say no to anyone – but for a chronic disease sufferer this is a necessity because he has to live with a limited life that does not let him do a lot of things.
It seems very easy to say no and that is just a matter of attitude change, but when should we say no to a person we love and who has already helped us so much in difficult times?
If we say no, it seems like an aggression, and our conscience weighs as if we were unwilling.
No matter how much you explain, people will not always fully understand these limitations, because even the common attitude of a person who is sick or in pain is to take a tea, lie in bed and complain all day, but in the case of who has a chronic illness she knows that every day of her life will be the same with pain and limitations and she can not give herself the right to lie down her whole life, so she has to swallow the pain, put it inside and go to life, because there is much to be done. That’s why people think she’s okay, seeing her look healthy, but they can not even imagine what she’s feeling inwardly, so they think it’s enough for you to try a little that can do it all.
Definitely learn to respect yourself, learn to deal with your accusatory thoughts, you have a disease that you did not ask for, and that changed your life radically, you are not to blame for that, but you must understand these limitations and respect your body, as you expect it of others if you do not even act right with yourself? You have a routine different from the others and you can not sacrifice yourself to please them, even if they are such dear ones.
If you insist it will end up hurting. That is your reality.
You feel different from others, because everyone is doing something you can not do or help, you do not have to be justifying or apologizing for it, and you do not even feel ashamed of what happens to you.
Of course it is very annoying to have a party and can not count on the presence of those who love us, or can not go out to eat a pizza.
It may be that your friends convince you to go with the promise that they may find a situation of comfort for you, but remember, they do not know how you feel so they may not know what is comfortable for you and that sitting in a chair for hours can be a torture, especially a party at night that is the time when the person is with all the trouble of the day that has passed. She just wants to a shower and to lie down in your comfortable bed.
Sometimes in the morning we make an appointment with a friend, the night comes and we are different, we are not well to leave, it’s time to call her and cancel the appointment.
People will not understand your situation automatically, you need to clarify this for them.
When your friends are in pain they will take a tea, turn off the cell phone and throw themselves in bed. They will not want to talk to anyone, much less come to your house to help you do something or attend a party. Wait until your friends enter the TPM and invite them to come to your house and you will hear the answer they will give you. This is the answer you should give to everyone when you are not well!
You may have to give up some things, including people, because if you are having to sacrifice yourself to please someone, you are on the wrong path. Love and Friendship do not work together with selfishness.
I had to get away from some people and keep in touch only on the phone because they did not understand my situation. Today I am more alone and happier too, because I am free to come and go where I can and I feel good, without anyone charging me.
And if anyone can not understand me, the problem is hers. I can not sacrifice myself and that’s it.
My husband already knows that he can not make any long-term commitment to us, because I always say, I do not know how I’ll wake up tomorrow, let alone a month from now.
After all, no one would like to stay at home or in a bed with pain, but rather out there enjoying life with whom we love and we like to be close. But we do not have everything we would like to have, and it is best to seek to be well and at peace.
This is also a quality of life, respecting its limits.