We already know that it is very difficult to take something from God when it comes to: What is happening, Lord? Or what are You doing to me? Because God does not like to give much satisfaction to the human being about what He has planned.
And often the most we hear of God is: Continue to walk, there is much ground ahead. It was thus with Elijah, when he was in a ready conflict to give up, God did not sit beside him and gave him explanations or words of comfort, only fed him to fortify himself and because he had to keep walking. He works on our life, puts us in the middle of the path and will not sit on the sofa in your living room and tell you what your plans are. Joseph had a dream in which his brothers prostrated themselves before him, but I wonder if he imagined what that vision meant and that until that day in his life he would suffer so much. Also with Moses who was called by God to take the people of Israel out of the slavery of Egypt and take them to Canaan. I wonder, too, that he knew the size of the challenge that was to come, everything that would pass and that he would not even step on the promised land in the end?
What does God have in particular for my life? From the first day I entered a church, my desire was to serve God, and it was not long before the promises of a gigantic and wonderful work that God was going to put into my hands. I could hardly wait for that day to come when I could devote myself entirely to the work of God.
When I changed my state to marry my husband I thought that God would finally begin this work in our lives. I thought I would be healed, have many children and a family within the church serving the Lord.
I started to attend a church and I felt very good inside, I approached the sisters, I sang again, I even gave the sermon in the service, we went to congregate in other churches, I did the work of God for a blog and communities in the internet, I finally took care of God’s work as much as I could.
But to my surprise my illness began to manifest itself very quickly and more than before. I was with the prosthesis of any loose ditch and doing small hikes, getting up and climbing stairs became difficult.
I could no longer go out with the bus pastor in the community, it was difficult to sit so long in the chair and climb the stairs to go upstairs and singing became very difficult things to do. I was no longer working and went to church only as a sacrifice to ask for a cure for Jesus. Because I believed that sacrificing me Jesus would heal me.
Until the day when going to church was no longer the best thing to do, but to stay at home resting. Until the day of surgery, it took six months without walking. Then I did not want to go back to church and I separated from God.
My head was in a tremendous confusion between the wonders I had heard inside the church and the valley of death I was passing through. I was in a conflict without knowing what is happening, whether it is God who is doing or satan, if it was punishment, fights, trials, desert, I did not know what to think and millions of voices in my mind disturbed me confused even more.
I turned away from the church brethren because they were a bunch of God’s sacks that would haunt me with boring speeches, because my life was very different from what I was promised.
I was longing to be that blessed servant, I was a miserable human being who would at any moment go to a wheelchair.
I lived alone in the house needing help, I just thought: this is not what I expected from God for my life.
Far from my land, away from people who always helped me and where everything was easier.
And then one day under the shower taking a shower I asked God: “After all, what does the Lord want with me?
I can not say that He immediately manifested Himself in that moment, but gradually He began to direct me to put me in the way that I should be.
He began to show me what I needed to change and how to behave so He could do His part. Finally I began to understand why many things, and what the purpose of others.
So I started studying the Bible in a different way, through audios and videos narrated, because I had a hard time understanding what I read, God put me before a pastor who came to teach me by Youtube, and I I began to speak directly to God about my doubts, because I wanted to truly know Him through His mouth and not of men.
I had to make a choice, to surrender my life totally to God and let Him determine the direction.
I still do not know everything that He wants with me, but I can say that it has already cleared me for some difficult things for me.
How to accept my illness as part of God’s work and live without a prospect of healing or improvement to help other people.
I knew that the work of God should be done on the internet, because I could not go out on the street and had no one to take me, so I started to work on social networks, but until I understood exactly what God wanted me to do And for who, it took a while and I had to restart the project several times, until one night I could not sleep because a fixed idea came to my head, that I had to make a blog and share my life with the disease.
I did not appreciate this situation, but I obeyed, the next morning I went down to the gym and I already did the first video and I came home and created the blog and God was directing me and today I’m sure that what I should do at least now it is sharing the wisdom that God gave me to live with and deal with my illness with people who have chronic diseases as well.
Because even though I was far from God I always got the wisdom to keep fighting, I even joked that I had an invisible friend who helped me.
Today I understand that my illness contributes to the work of God and that it was this wisdom that helped me to face my illness, to deal with difficulties, with discouragement, because I was at the bottom of the well, where my deepest desire and sincere was to die and no one understood me, only criticized me.
Now I know that this is the work that God wants me to do today and I rest for the rest.
We have to stop asking what people think God is doing to us, we have to stop complaining and ask for help for people, they can not give us the right direction, only God can. We have to establish an intimate relationship with God and talk with Him about everything that involves our life.
Regardless of whether we are asking for help or not we have to talk about everything with God.
I still do not know everything He has for me, everything that’s going to happen to me, but at least I know I’m headed in the right direction.
Today I am not desperate for my cure, I simply rest in the Lord, I try to live the best way possible.
I do not worry any more because I can not be in church singing, preaching the gospel or doing mission in the streets, I just get satisfied with the service on the internet with great joy and love.
I watch videos on Youtube, praises and I’m happy that way.
Everything that people have told me is not like God has done in my life, because they never knew the plan of Him for me and their opinion was empty all the time, only I who did not know it.
What God did and is doing to me exceeds people’s understanding and I do not even try to explain what they do not need to know.
My alliance is with God and not with man. So it’s between God and me.
I’m not kneeling there talking to God declaiming a poetry, I get to the point, I get up in the morning and while I do my things in the house I go talking to God in the same way that I would talk to any other friend, That’s what God wants from us, He likes simplicity, sincerity, we have to open our hearts, put God inside our lives, to be more within Him more and more. I’m not talking about making God a miracle-working saint that I spend all day asking Him for things, I do not even ask, I just talk to Him and He guides me. Our relationship with God must be personal and not with all the brethren in the church.
We must know God intimately, not only to hear others speak of Him.
We need to know where God wants us to be and doing what. After all, today I do not worry about where I wanted to be, but about doing a great job where I am, because I know that this is where God wants me to be.