I spent the twenties of my illness trying to make people understand my situation, my limitation, my pain. I wanted people to truly understand what my illness was, but all I got was criticism, a moral lesson to try to change my vision and see that it was not all that and that people were in a much worse position than I was.
So I had to deal with unpleasant situations caused by people who had no idea what I was going through every day and who could not bear to go through half of what I was going through.
We were in a restaurant and a gentleman asked what my illness was and why the foot surgery, I began to explain and there he came with the famous saying: “there are people worse than you.”
But after living with it for twenty years, the Spirit of God finally made me understand that – THE PEOPLE JUDGE BY APPEARANCE – THEY SEE ONLY WHAT THEY ENROLL.
What? Explain this better.
Man judges by appearance, because that is all he sees, no matter what he is listening to, he only takes into account what he sees.
So as the saying goes: “an image says more than a thousand words,” that’s how it is. If you look good, then you’re fine, because if you were in a bed then you’d be bad. That is, people only take into account what they see and not what they hear. So after that I learned to reserve and not tell what I feel for everyone, but only for those who will understand me and can help me and in this I only know one who could do this – God!
Not even my husband who is the person who most helps me and my doctor can really understand my situation. The doctor studied my illness but never felt my pain. They also do not know what I really go through when I’m alone, they do not know what I feel inside me. But God knows.
I know there are people worse than me and will always have, but when they tell me this I read between the lines: “your problem compared to others is nothing” …
And that revolted because in my daily life the situation is very complicated, many limitations, a lot of pain, the fight is great for people to ignore and call it “it’s nothing”.
You can arrive with exams in hand, you can even tell that you were hit by a cart and had in the ICU, but, the person will look at you and will see a person standing, whole smiling, so she imagines that a person That it’s so good to have gone through it all does not seem true, maybe she thinks you’re exaggerating, because it’s the human thing to want to get attention and like to do it poorly. Then people will try to change your thinking, wanting you to see the situation in another way so the problem may disappear, because they think the problem is only in your head and not in an everyday reality.
You have to learn to deal with it to get free, it is not for me to ask God to change people or to get them out of my way because there will always be someone who will come and will have the same unpleasant behavior and you will look For her, to lower her head, not knowing what to say.
I’ve learned that I do not need to tell people how I really feel and just say, “I’m fine” even if I’m not.
I wondered why I need the man’s understanding, he can not help me, not even understand me.
I need to vent with God. Ah! He is always silent and never solves anything, he never talks about my problem, it seems that he does not even see what I live, is he even seeing me? Does He know what I have? So I go and open myself to someone I think will understand me and I do not know why, but, I think you can help me and then it makes me worse than I was.
But I have learned that it is not because God has not yet manifested Himself about it that He will do nothing about it. We hear inside the church that we just have to ask Jesus to come immediately and ask, “what do you want me to do to you?” But, maybe, He’ll only arrive four days later.
The truth is that when I’m in bed, when I can not walk, when I’m crying in pain I’m not on the street, but, yes inside my house, the worst moments with my illness I step inside my house, In my bedroom, in my bed and only those who are in there with me really know what I’m going through. People on the street do not see this part, because I am I go out on the street only when I am well or doped up with a lot of medicine, so do not understand.
So today when they ask me what I have I give a brief answer and I do not go into details to not continue talking about it. I used to like talking to the people of my illness because I thought they could understand me, but I learned that they can not and that some people do not want to. So they do not need to know anything.
The person starts to talk to you kindly, but in the end the answer is always the same: if you are walking, if you are seeing, you are working so you are well, take a little drug that passes, because sick is the one in a bed Without being able to lift.
Keep what you have, just talk to God, He knows what you’re talking about, even before you start talking. He knows it’s not an exaggeration, and when people ask what you have, open a smile and say that it’s great, even if you have to get home to close the door and cry, but with the right person.